We're getting very close to the 40 week finish line. I am processing so many emotions, thoughts and feelings - I don't know if it's even possible to articulate it all. I am finally going to be a mom! I've been looking forward to this for so many years. Now that it's finally happening, I'll admit that I'm scared. The responsibility is huge. You want to be a great parent and do everything well, but Michael and I are going into this knowing that we'll make mistakes. Jesus is the only perfect person and the only one who will not let our girl down. I pray that she knows Him at a very young age and always feels his presence. All the good parenting in the world is nothing compared to having that.
I'm soaking in every moment with Michael (who has been buckling my sandals for me, walking our dogs so I don't have to, lifting everything, putting pillows behind my back, giving me back rubs, and helping me get up off the couch). It's been just the two of us for 10 years and now things will never be the same. It's a good change, but these last 10 years have been so special. We've gone to college, been best friends, gotten married, traveled, struggled, loved, cried, laughed, grown up, woke up spiritually, worked hard, and have made so many memories together. And I know that is just the beginning. We're starting a new chapter with a sweet baby girl! I can't believe all the amazing things God has given me. So much more than I deserve.
On top of all these major life changes, we're moving and Michael is starting a new job right after the baby is born. We're leaving our sweet and supportive community and headed into the unknown. We'll meet new people, live in a new city and go to church somewhere else. But it's hard to leave the support and love of the community we're in now. No one can replace the friends we have here. We've never felt so connected to a place before. When we came to Monroe, we were spiritually immature and seeking God. It has been a place of growth for us where people have really mentored and cared for us. It's really cool to me that right before we leave, we're having a baby. It feels like the icing on the cake of such a beautiful season of life.
This is my brother and sister's dog Moose. He's just a 7 week old baby!
How far along? 39 weeks - baby is the size of a 7 lb watermelon : )Total weight gain/loss: give or take 35 lbs
Maternity clothes? definitely, unless I walk around in my undies. Which I do a LOT now that I'm huge and the weather is hot.
Stretch marks? I think I'm going to make it through without them.
Sleep: Not great, but I'm getting a lot more than I'll probably be getting when our baby arrives. Trying to enjoy it!
Best moment this week: My family from Michigan came to town! I haven't seen them in 6 years (when Michael and I got engaged). I got to hold my cousin's sweet baby girl. And I got to meet my brother's new golden retriever puppy! He is so sweet.
These are my "half siblings" (cousins) from Michigan - our dads are identical twins, so genetically, we like to joke that we're siblings.
Worst moment this week: We thought we knew exactly where we were going to live a month from now when we move, and this weekend - those plans seemed to crumble. I'm not sure what's going to happen and I really need to focus on delivering this baby. I am hoping that my best moment this week will be when God works out the entire situation. I am really struggling with doubt. This whole move has been a leap of faith for me. And God has come through in so many ways, but this is really pushing it for me. I've been trying to stay positive even though I don't have a nursery set up. I keep reminding myself that I'll set one up when we move in. Now, I'm feeling completely unprepared. I never in a million years would have chosen this scenario - having my first baby - and not having a place to live.
Miss Anything? Breathing. I keep getting short of breath. Kind of feels like suffocation sometimes.
Movement: She's big and strong now. It can be uncomfortable when she gets really active, but of course I love to feel her moving because it means she's healthy and strong!
Food cravings: Last week I wanted cashews, fruit and cheese. And chocolate. This week, it's sub sandwiches. And chocolate. Especially Alter Eco Quinoa dark chocolate. Mmmmm! If my midwives were worried before about me gaining enough weight, they can breath a sigh of relief now. Gaining weight is a little too easy. See... this was me at 5 months and again at 9 months. Operation Weight Gain was a 100% total success.
Anything making you queasy or sick: no, but I have to be careful about spicy foods because I get heartburn now.
Have you started to show yet: I am about to pop. Even my feet are about to pop.
Gender: girl : )
Labor Signs: Not that I've noticed. But I'm starting to think that I don't recognize Braxton Hicks. We'll see at my check up tomorrow. My midwife says that you can't dilate without contractions. So, if I am at all dilated, then I've been contracting.
Belly Button in or out? OUT
Wedding rings on or off? OFF : ( I'm swollen. Don't want to risk my ring getting stuck or cut off.
Happy or moody most of the time: Trying to follow what Philippians 4 says about rejoicing at all times (and I do have a LOT to be joyful and thankful for). But I am pretty terrified and panicked right this moment. We really need to secure a place to live in September.
Looking forward to: seeing my baby face to face! And finding a good place to live. And being a family of 3!